Forgiveness might be a strange title for a post on a blog about teaching, but I read a New York Times article last night that my acupuncturist had posted on Facebook and I just can’t shake it. I keep thinking about it and how powerful it is to forgive. Of course I have been busy making that text-to-self connection and agonizing over it.
I am not sure if I am good at forgiving or not. I do tend to bear a grudge for a long time, but I do it secretly (as in the person towards whom I bear said grudge doesn’t know I still hate their freakin’ guts over a certain something). I think that is the worst form of a lack of forgiveness–a clandestine one. It’s bitter and ugly and always seeps into my subconscious in the form of weird dreams, reminding me that I have yet to forgive.
Where and how can one cultivate the graciousness to forgive? Especially in circumstances so drastic as the one mentioned in this article. It look me almost 10 years to finally forgive my college boyfriend for cheating on me. He probably had no idea I cringed at his mere existence for a decade after our breakup, hating him across the borough we both moved to after college. I don’t think I ever let him know how deeply his betrayal affected me. I was only able to forgive him for his disloyalty and lying after I had my kids. I don’t know why or how those two are connected, but they were. Then I let go, and forgave, and I felt such immense relief. Now I literally have happy dreams of being friends with him, his wife, and his kid. We are not friends, nor do I think we ever will be, but there are no more sad, mean, mad dreams. Why did I harbor such hate for so long over something as trite as a college relationship? Such a waste of energy.
I can’t stop thinking of this article. It’s ten pages, which normally turns me away from NYT articles (how lame to admit that, but it’s the truth), but I could not stop reading it. It was so moving. You should read it. It’s the best thing I have read from a newspaper in ages.
And I think it’d be a great article to use in a law class…